going solo in Athens (9/4)

I was on a traveler's high. I thought I was going to explode. Every exchange was precious to me. The pharmacist, the bookstore owner, the server. Even the frappe became platonic. Sweet and bitter temperaments wrestled in my mouth. Two bodies tumbling one on top of the other; a tangled mass with clearly identifiable forms. Always separate, always the same. The server had asked how much sugar I wanted: "high? medium? low?" Naturally, I chose the middle way. All rationality seemed to point in that direction. But balance is rarely an arithmetical equation and attempting to achieve it usually leaves one further from the goal. How often we struggle with intensity, with opposites, with ambiguity. How often such dynamics pain and how often they soothe.

Sitting at the cafe with racing thoughts and a slightly shaking hand, I soon found myself with fifteen pages of words. I became the insistent rose seller, pressing hard to the young men with women by their side. I became the small soccer boy, missing his shots and setting off motorcycle alarms. I became my neighbor's gaze, looking past his shoulder, across my arm, and to my page. He lit his cigarette; I lit his cigarette; casual moves to cover our rising smiles. My thoughts spilled freely and with out shame. They were a peasant's hands, snatching fruit from the vender's stand. quickly. continuously. rhythmically.

It was my first independent day and I wanted it all. I wanted to taste, touch, hear, smell, and see. I wanted to find the source of the men's beautiful smiles, their soft chiseled faces, and their skin's honey glow. I didn't want to be just a passerby on the pedestrian pathway, comforted by the Acropolis on high. I wanted to cross the gates guarded by the gnarled, rooted foliage with sea foam sun hats and enter Greece's promised land filled with nationality and antiquity.

I had gotten carried away. I tried to calm my mind but how could Faulkner, J.D. Salinger, or Woolf satisfy when only Odysseus and the sea would do? The only thing to do was stand up and pack my bags. I needed to return to neutral territory. to dirt. to water. to air.